Dang’it….I think I’m growing up…
It’s the darndest thing. This past week I’ve been having thoughts and feelings that I’ve not had for a long time, or perhaps have never had before. Yeah, I know, I’m sounding a bit strange right now. It’s because I’m feeling a bit strange right now.
Below is my plan for the future…
1.) Serve an honorable mission and return home in 2006.
2.) After returning home, find gainful employment and find modest car and apartment.
3.) After stabalizing (mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially) enroll in school and begin word toward A.S with Comp. Sci. focus and then a B.S. in Comp. Sci. (might be moving out of state for the B.S.) During this time I might begin a computer consulting business.
4.) Lord willing, within five years, find a lovely young woman and be married in the Temple.
It’s no. 4 that has been on my mind a bit lately. I know, I’m horrible…I should be channeling all my thoughts and energies to my mission. If you actually know me, you know that I’m not one to fall for every girl that crosses my path, or to be one who continually seeks for love interests. Yeah, I’ve fallen a couple of times, but this feeling is different. It’s not about one person, but about the relationship. I am in want of an intimate companion whom I can share anything and everything with. When I say companion I in no way am referring to anyone going by “Elder”. I don’t know…it’s crazy. I had a change of heart in the Temple, witnessing my friends’ wedding. I went from have no desire to be married, to what I am feeling now. Yesterday I was thinking about it and it occured me to how untimely it was to begin having these feelings as I will leave in a week to begin a two year mission where I will not have any romantic relationships at all! Perhaps this is good and well. For one it tells me that, yes, even I have some sense of normalcy (thought the extent of that has yet to be determined), however if I had undergone this change of heart a year or so earlier, I may have gone to the Temple not to witness a wedding, but be a party to one!
5 responses so far
Does that mean you won’t have time for LJ anymore? Maybe you’ll find the right person in the field
Isn’t it strange? As I’m preparing more for my mission, I begin to have all these other thoughts, that I know I shouldn’t be worried about or thinking about they just kinda happen. If I challenged all that energy into my mission preparing, how amazing would that be? I tried, and needless to say, I failed. You’re leaving really soon aren’t you?
It’s a remarkable thing how two people can seem so happy one with another. I have seen so many family members find their companion for time and all eternity and I wonder how incredible it is to find someone like that. I watch them and they seem so familiar one with another, as though it wasn’t the first time they’d become close friends.
I can also see how much happiness comes from two people joining in a partnership with God to take on the most incredible responsibility of their lives: to start a family. That is a big deal - and so much trust involved. That idea of being able to trust someone to such an extent is both scary and comforting. I’ve never felt that - don’t think I’ve even come close - but that kind of relationship would surely be an amazing thing.
It’s a righteous desire! It is - keeping in mind that there is a time and place for all things. You’ll be all the more prepared when you get back home if you keep that goal in mind (albeit somewhere towards the back, can’t have distractions, now…) but I think that this development is a very good thing.
I’m not worried about you, I’m sure you’ll have an incredible distraction-free mission, and I’m excited for you, I want you to know that. I think about the work going forth and I think of my lj buddy Joel going off to serve the Lord and it makes me feel so happy to be around now, at this time. You are a very sweet boy and you make people strive to be their best. Nice work.
Anyway, I’m rambling, but you take care - I’m rooting for ya.
love love its what you do when you return return from the lds zoo zoo …
and by zoo i mean mission.
ok so i just couldn’t think of anything to rhyme!
Jman,
It may be that the “intimate relationship” you are longing for is SEX. It is normal at your age to experience these thoughts, especially when you will be entering the cult, I mean mission. I am new to the world of LDS, if you are denied any romantic encounters during your mission will you still at least be able to masturbate?
Worried about your sexual health,
Me