In the Rough - The Blog of Joel McDonald Jr.

A while back, on my now defunct MySpace blog, I pushed for music artists to take control of their own music and bypass record companies in making their work available to the masses. Technology has certainly allowed for this necessary evolution. Many independent artists, which are comprised of mostly little known bands, have utilized Internet technology to share or sell their music to far more people than would have been previously possible, increasing both an artists ability to gain notoriety and competition between these artists.One of my main arguments was that record industries and online outlets, such as Apple’s iTunes music store, have an expectation that people should pay an equivalent amount for digital music as they would pay for this same music on a CD. In my opinion, this expectation is unreasonable as the cost to dispense music digitally must be less than the cost to produce CDs and ship them to stores or directly to consumers.

Currently, the major roadblock keeping well known artists from providing their music directly to fans are the contracts between the artists and the record companies that support them. Dissolving these contracts is difficult, and I’m sure the thought of not renewing these contracts may cause some uneasiness as artists set out on their own.

One band, RadioHead, has done just that; as they’ve shed the fetters of any record company, and are providing their music independently. Not only this, but they have embarked upon an amazing experiment in digital music; allowing fans to name their own price to download their newest album. While it is totally possible for fans to purchase this album for nothing at all, many are purchasing the digital album for close to retail in a show of support for both the band and the idea of independent music. Many comments from fans have noted that they have absolutely no problem supporting the band directly, but are malcontent to pay for music if a large portion is absorbed by a record company.

Personally I paid $5 USD for the album, keeping with my feeling that digital music shouldn’t cost as much as music on a CD. I’m not even a RadioHead fan, but I wanted to make sure I put a few dollars where my mouth is and support the concept of artists distributing their music independently. It is my hope that more artists will break free of the aged record companies and embrace of opportunities that technology can provide them.

I decided to go for a drive today, and my plan was to go out to Sandbridge Beach to take some pictures. Once I got to Sandbrige, I didn’t see anything of real interest. Mostly the area has been spoiled by summer beach cabins and no parking signs. After leaving the area, I hopped on Princess Anne Rd. heading south, which eventually turned into 615 South, also known as Refuge Road.. This road winds though what is called the Roanoke, Tar, Neuse, Cape Fear Ecosystem in North Carolina. Zooming though the marshlands (because that’s what you do in a Mazda…Zoom, Zoom), and watching the fisherman out in their boats waiting on their next catch, and the seagulls diving down to the water to grab theirs, made for a wonderful afternoon. Unfortunately, there weren’t many places to stop and park to take pictures, but I took advantage of the areas that were available.

For those wondering how I managed the trip in regards to the Mazda’s manual transmission, I’m happy to report that the trip out to the end of 615 South, through the marshlands, etc., went wonderfully. As soon as I reentered the city and had to deal with traffic lights, I stalled at least twice at each light. After the first few lights, I was quite frustrated and seemed to do nothing right with the car.

I finally took the plunge and bought a new (to me) car: a 2005 Mazda 3! It’s shweeeet! I’m still getting used to the wonders of driving a 5-speed standard, but I’m doing better every time I drive her.

I sat down to write yesterday to attempt to relieve myself of some of the melancholy that has set in over the last few days; but as I wrote of current frustrations and anxieties, I realized that I wasn’t making a whole lot of sense. I even snapped a picture for the post, which is above. Often melancholy forces us to examine our pasts with a wistful longing and a wonder of “what if”. This picture was meant to be an illustration of that state of mind. While staged (for who would be here to snap such a picture?), it portrays a very real moment what occurred right before deciding to take the picture.

Here I am holding a scrapbook of sorts, filled with articles, pictures, cards, and letters that I collected while serving as an Latter-day Saint (Mormon) missionary. And while my mission, and relationship with the church, is only a portion of my thoughts at this time; it is still a heavy weight upon my soul. As I flipped through this book, I felt again the ups and downs, the joy and agony, which I endured for twenty-three months. This past week, a co-worker who was raised in Nebraska asked me why Mormons placed so much emphases upon the trek west to Salt Lake City. My answer illustrated the mentality of church members in their equating the trek west to the exodus of Israel from Egypt. Then, in brief discussion I mentioned the existence of the Post-Mormon community and my involvement, and explained the internal difficulties I faced as a missionary who didn’t believe. My co-worker made a comment about my “probably still working through it all”. In honesty, I am.

I know how redundant the topic may be, but even after more than a year of being home, I am haunted by the “what ifs” of Mormonism and my mission. By coming home, and having rejected everything about Mormonism that I held so dear, so sacred, and sacrificed for is an admittance of guilt in my being wrong. It is a mark against my strength as a thinking person, and even a crack in my integrity. I wanted so badly for it to be true, and because of this desire it was. The reality is that what we want to be true may not really be true. Truth is reality, but when a person’s desires shape their reality, what does that say about that person? For now I ponder, and ask these questions, while flipping through pages of the past and trying to make decisions about the future.