What Spring has brought
While I don’t do this often, this post is of the personal kind.
Anyone who knows me will readily attest that I’m not the easiest person to get to know. Whether it’s a matter of me being disattached, unengaged, or slow to trust; it takes a lot for me to accept someone wholly into my life. For the past couple of weeks, this has been the theme of many thoughts and musings; how distant I know I must seem to others. Incredibly, during the time of these considerations, I meet someone who somehow managed to instantaneously bridge the gap and unlock the doors to every compartment of who I am.
And I feel vulnerable…
…like I’m standing on the edge of a cliff, heels planted into the hard ground knowing that with any gust of wind I’ll plummet to whatever doom awaits. Even still, in this most precarious of positions, I have hope that I will be pulled to safety by the hand of who has captured my thoughts. It is the slimmest of possibilities that this hopes for hand of rescue will materialize; or even if it did, that it would be permanent.
It is amazing how everything can be different with one person; how everything is better, and seemingly like it should. Damn the uncertainty though; the questions and the waiting.
And while this makes you want to become a better person in every way, you struggle with the fact that you can’t possibly become better fast enough to stop them from slipping way. I can’t become better fast enough, but I hope my best for now will do.
So this is what Spring has brought, characteristic of the season. Uninvited, yet not entirely unwelcome; contradictions and all.
4 responses so far
Have you found someone, Joel?
Unfortunately, I don’t think so. The only thing I’ve found is the hope of finding.
For the wondweful person you are you will find what you seek and finding it will be half the fun…enjoy and keep the faith. Enjoy who you have become and the rest will follow. Much love
Mom
Thanks Mom.
Love you,
- Joey